For Adults in New York & Vermont
Therapy for grief and loss
Any event that uproots your sense of security can trigger grief, including death, loss of a friendship, divorce, illness, a move or loss of professional status. Endings and beginnings can also bring grief.
Key points
Grief and loss impacts us on multiple dimensions.
It’s okay for each of us to grieve differently.
If you stall or get stuck grieving, reach out for help.
A psychotherapist can distinguish between grief and other emotional challenges.
Some words about loss and change
We tend to associate grief with the death of someone meaningful to us, however, grief and the resulting loss are also a part of many life transitions. Change is inevitable - it marks the end of a particular time and also a beginning. Both can feel difficult and when unaddressed, can leave us feeling “stuck”.
We may feel that we don’t have the time or space to grieve change. Instead, we mask it in favor of “everyday” emotions, like anxiety or anger. Yet, grief is normal, necessary, and has a purpose. Ask yourself: What does it mean to me to be grieving?
It may be hard to imagine, but it is possible to coexist with loss while also moving forward. The past can’t be undone, but our relationship with what has been lost can shift.
In our work together, we’ll consider why we may feel pressure to turn off our grief and whether we can be OK with allowing loss to be a part of our human experience.
Understanding grief
Grief refers to “the anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person” (APA Dictionary of Psychology). Losing a loved one is the most well-known catalyst for experiencing grief, but any event that uproots your sense of security in life can evoke grief, including losing a job, a move, retirement, loss of family or community, a pet or estrangement from a spouse or friend.
Grief can also occur as an emotional response to losing what you might have always taken for granted, related to health, fertility, or any dreams or aspirations that are being taken away from you.
Viewing grief as a reaction to something that happens rather than something we do can keep us stuck. Grief is a normal, human emotion meant to be experienced, as difficult as it is.
How grief and loss can affect your life in at least 4 dimensions
Grief can have a profound impact on various aspects of your life. Often, grief is experienced on emotional, physical, cognitive, and social dimensions.
Emotionally – triggering a range of intense emotions, such as sadness, anger, guilt, frustration, and loneliness.
Physically – causing fatigue, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, aches, and pains, and exacerbating existing health conditions.
Cognitively – affecting your ability to concentrate, make decisions, engage in regular routines, or stay focused at work.
Socially – making you withdraw from people, finding it hard to connect with those around you in the same way, or changing the dynamics of your relationships.
Have you felt yourself affected by one or more of these dimensions?
There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve
Everyone experiences grief in their own way, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. Someone might throw himself into his work as a way to cope with his loss, someone else might feel the need to withdraw and self-isolate for awhile. You may experience more than one feeling at once or think you’ve moved through tough feelings, only for those same feelings and new feelings to show up months later. This is normal and okay.
Some actively avoid painful reminders of their loss, at least while the pain is most intense, in the earlier stages of the grieving process.
As you process emotions, I’ll encourage you to follow your instincts and notice what this brings up. While we may know what’s best for us, it may not be as simple to implement. At times, I may gently point out patterns or behaviors I’m noticing that I think could be impacting your journey and invite a conversation.
The 5 stages of grief are not universal, but they are not a myth either
During the grieving process, we go through various stages. Although not everyone experiences these stages in the same way or order, it can be helpful to understand where you are today.
These stages usually include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.
Denial: Initially, it can be difficult to accept the reality of the loss, and you may find yourself in a state of disbelief or shock.
Anger: You might feel angry about your loss and the circumstances surrounding it. This anger can be directed at yourself, others, or even the situation itself.
Bargaining: This stage involves trying to negotiate or make deals in an attempt to change or prevent the loss. It's common to reflect on what could have been done differently or to make promises in exchange for reversing the loss.
Depression: Feelings of sadness, emptiness, and a deep sense of loss are common during the grieving process. You may experience changes in appetite, and sleep patterns, and a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed.
Acceptance: Eventually, with time and healing, you may reach a point of acceptance. This doesn't mean that you no longer feel sadness or miss the person or situation, but rather that you have come to terms with the reality of the loss and are able to move forward.
It's important to remember that grief is an emotional healing process that takes time. No one can tell you exactly how long it will take you to come to terms with your loss. What might take one person 6 months might take someone else much longer. What is important is that you allow yourself the time that YOU feel you need, regardless of how long anyone else says it “should” take.
At the same time, if grief continues to make it difficult to move through life, it might be time to get professional support. A skilled therapist can help you process your grief in a way that helps you heal from the pain of your loss and move forward in a healthy way,
The need for peace, relief and resolution becomes more intense when we experience a loss.
How we deal with a current loss or life change may also depend on how we moved (or didn’t) through previous losses. Grieving doesn’t involve “fixing,” but rather, allowing. This is a process.
One of the ways that I work with clients draws on grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s Companioning tenets, some of which I include here:
Being present in another person’s pain
Listening with the heart; not analyzing with the head
Bearing witness to your struggles
Discovering the gifts of sacred silence; not filling up each moment with words.
Being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
Respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.
Diagnosing and treating grief
The symptoms of grief often overlap with other mental health challenges. Effective diagnosis by a trained mental health professional who understands grief is the first step to healing.
Wherever you’re at is okay.
Therapy with me is an invitation to leave the many hats worn outside of the session at the door and just be where you are. We all want to be seen and heard and accepted for who we are. I understand that the decision to ask for support is a big one.
I’m glad that you’re here.
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My specialties
I support clients who are experiencing life transitions resulting in grief, loss, anxiety, relationship challenges, panic attacks, medical trauma, attachment trauma, job loss, empty nest, intergenerational trauma, performance anxiety, sleep disturbances and other upsetting and stress-related issues that typically don't involve neglect, violence, or addiction, but nonetheless result in ongoing significant distress.
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Grief is an individual experience. Move through your loss at your own pace.
Whether you’re struggling to grieve your loss, feeling like you’re going through the motions with no relief, or are unsure what moving through a loss looks like, you’re not alone.